It is an illusion to think that only children play games of “pretend”. Yet you might be reluctant to accept that there are occasions when you have “pretended” something is ok when it’s not ok for you.
Even worse, it may be an intrinsic pattern of behaviour which you are no longer aware of.
Meeting the expectations of other people is sometimes recognised as more important that meeting our own expectations or needs. In many cultures being selfless is what we must aspire to in everything we do.
However the opposite is also true – being perceived as selfish can create a deep sense of guilt and shame within us. Dictionary meanings of selfish are disempowering and exacerbate the negative connotation e.g. uncaring, thoughtless, rude, ignorant, arrogant, self-important, greedy, egotistical, mercenary etc.
Yet some meanings do give us an insight into the importance of being selfish, i.e. self-seeking or self-regard.
The truth is that being selfish is paramount to our inner authenticity and intuition. Yet our understanding of its importance is diminished in our need to fit into cultural and ancestral expectations of how we should behave.
If you have ever been in a situation where you need to attend some event and truly do not want to go then you will understand what I mean. I have heard people say:-
“I can’t say no because I will offend my friends – I don’t want to go to the party but I must go”
This creates several questions:-
- Is your response authentic to yourself?
- What do you want and need from this situation?
- Is it selfish for you to want something different?
- Should you sacrifice your needs for the needs of others?
- Can this be how we are destined to live our life?
These questions will give you a deeper insight into how you respond to the needs of other people.
Another way of looking at this is to consider the following:-
If you hold a door open for someone and they walk though they may smile and say thank you. Then many other people come forward and walk through the door until you find you are stuck holding the door open. You can soon become invisible to the others – as the expectation is that you will hold the door open. After a while you forget that you wanted to walk through the door.
You might ask
- Is this my role in life?
- When is it my turn to go through the door?
In many ways this example replicates what we do with our life. It’s not exactly what our soul intended as part of its evolution and ascension. Yet here is the conundrum!
We are here to be in selfless service but only through understanding and experiencing the authenticity and expression of our soul purpose.
To do this we must find our own authenticity – our inner intuitive knowing of ourselves and how to express this with wisdom compassion and honour. Then we can fully be in selfless service to others. There is no short cut to this process. You cannot give to others what you have not given to yourself. If you do not know the inner wisdom that is your essence you cannot see or understand this within others. It’s impossible!
Of course you can try. However it creates an energy imbalance which eventually means that you become tired, disillusioned, resentful, unappreciated and in some instances depressed or lacking in self-worth.
Take a moment to consider a situation in your life where this has happened. Did you feel any of the above emotions or perhaps another emotion such as anger?
Notice if you projected these feelings on to the other person and blamed them for your feelings. It’s very easy to build up a “resentment bank” of feelings towards others. Yet that’s not the true cause of the problem, it can only ever be a symptom. Treating symptoms never creates lasting solutions.
The starting point is to recognise situations where you are not in your own authenticity. Your intuition will guide you. Your emotions and feelings will guide you.
Being authentic and true to you is not rude or aggressive and need not create conflict. Working from this inner space of knowing generates peace, harmony, acceptance and balance.
You are not a “copy” of any other being on this planet. You are a unique individual. What you see and what you are told may not resonate with your inner knowing or integrity. Should you sacrifice this to comply with group expectations? Will this truly change the world for the better?
Your starting point is to be “self-ish”. To know and understand the truth of who you are, your power your light your wisdom.
To know yourself you must fully re-connect with the power wisdom and compassion which lies within your heart chakra. Your heart chakra is directly linked to your soul and higher self. This beautiful link is often referred to as the crystal cord or silver cord.
It is with us from birth until death and is our intuitive lifeline to the truth of who we are. It never disappears rather we start to ignore its power as we become more and more entrenched in the illusions and expectations of our reality.
Our intuition and inner knowing come from this connection as does our authenticity. However intuition has no direct connection to the logic mind and therefore is often ignored because we cannot label or justify why we might:-
- “know something”
- “sense something”
- “want to do something”
- “not want to do something”
So we learn to conform to the power of logic. Of course there is nothing wrong with logic – but on its own it limits and diminishes what is often an amazing creative choice or a deep intrinsic opportunity for learning and growth.
Here are some questions to consider:-
- Are you ready to move into your heart chakra to explore what decisions are in full alignment with your soul purpose and your soul’s expression?
- Are you brave enough to find your own authenticity through the power of your wisdom and your divine intuition?
- Are you willing to both listen and act on what your inner knowing tells you?
Or is it easier to stay in the illusions and conventions which restrict you and force you to “pretend”?
Of course I cannot ask or expect that you must do anything based on reading this article. However if you can stay open to the potential and reflect on how you would like your children, grandchildren and future generations to behave? You are the starting point and the role model for personal and planetary change.
Here is a simple yet profound way of connecting to your heart chakra and higher self use it every time you are tempted to sacrifice your own authenticity to please others.
- ask for or take a time out to reflect on what is right for you before you make a decision
- sit quietly in a place where you will not be disturbed
- if you wish you can light a candle (if this is safe to do)
- place your hands on your heart centre and gently hum…. either out loud or as an inner vibration
- sense your heart centre as a beautiful 3fold flame – blue, yellow and pink representing power, wisdom and compassion.
- notice which colour you are intuitively drawn to ….. and sense that you are stepping inside either the blue flame of power, the yellow flame of wisdom or the pink flame of compassion
- as you step inside the flame sense the colour and light of the flame filling every cell in your body
- sense it flowing down to your feet and through your feet to the centre of the planet….. grounding you in the inner planes of ancient wisdom… giving you a deep sense of knowing and belonging
- then sense the flame flowing up through your crown and flowing up to your soul and your higher self…
- take a few moments to fully feel the connection you have …. below and above
- feel your heart expanding and the energy flowing into every part of your physical, emotional and mental bodies….
- then from this space ask what is the highest solution, action or answer to your situation….. what is right for you….
- notice a deep inner sense of “knowing”….. and allow it to expand …..trusting that it is right for you
- gently open your eyes and take a few moments to re-attune yourself with your environment
- you may wish to take a drink of water or record your experience
Know that as you act on your decision from your heart centre that you are acting with authenticity and divine intuition. This level of selfishness (or honouring the needs of your soul) is the foundation for selfless service.
So instead of holding the door open for others – be the first to open the door walk through it and be the light of inspiration for others to follow. The authenticity within your heart centre is so pure and divine it will always guide you forward in a way which serves both you and all within your community and country.